


The Malfoy Family Constitution's Great Ancestral Laws

by seatbeltdrivein



Category: Harry Potter - Rowling
Genre: Crack, M/M, implications of incest
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-05-03
Updated: 2010-05-03
Packaged: 2017-10-09 07:04:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 408
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/84333
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/seatbeltdrivein/pseuds/seatbeltdrivein
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In Narcissa's absence, Lucius invokes one of the Malfoy Family Constitution's Great Ancestral Laws. [crack!drabble]</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Malfoy Family Constitution's Great Ancestral Laws

“You--” Draco cut himself off, staring blankly at his father. “What do you mean, you bottom? How is this supposed to even work?” This was all things horrifying and disappointing, and Draco thought that perhaps he should just pretend the idea never occurred to either of them.

“Exactly as I said it would,” Lucius sniffed, prodding an errant peacock out of the kitchen with his cane.

“But--But I’m the bottom! This is so not on,” the younger of the pair huffed, arms crossed and lip stuck out petulantly.

“Well, perhaps if you hadn’t driven your mother off--”

“Me? Oh, that’s rich. You were the one--”

“Is it necessary for me to be here?” Snape cut in, his normally pasty complexion paling even further as the argument carried on. “Surely you don’t need me to mediate this farce.”

“None of this should be necessary at all!” Draco snapped. “Why don’t you just go find a top to satisfy you!”

Shooting a dark look at Snape, Lucius snorted. “There are none available. And, as the Malfoy Family Constitution dictates--”

“We do not have a family constitution.”

“--the heir must fill in for the duties of a deceased parent. So fill in.”

“Do you honestly expect me to believe that Mother--”

“I really don’t need to be here,” Snape muttered, watching a peacock trip its way out the back door with envy.

“You do, Severus. Please explain to my heir that he must fulfill his family duty!”

“Somehow, Lucius, I just don’t think this is what your ancestors intended.”

“Of course not,” Draco snorted haughtily. “The heir should never have to top the Lord Malfoy!”

There was silence for a brief, blessed moment, then Lucius struck Draco in the shins with his cane.

“Father! What the fuck?!”

“Lucius! Have you lost your mind?!”

“This foolishness must end,” Lucius declared, taking one more swing at Draco’s knees for good measure. “We shall settle this the proper, gentlemanly way.”

“There is nothing even remotely gentlemanly about this.”

“Silence, Severus! Now, Draco,” Lucius said casually, his smile promising great future pain, “Perhaps a duel would settle this? Winner bottoms.”

“...That is just not even--”

“How do you expect me to win a duel against you?! No! I refuse!”

“You can’t refuse! I’m your father!”

“That’s exactly why I’m refusing!”

Perhaps, Severus reflected amidst the shrieked obscenities and flying hexes, he should reconsider assisting Narcissa in escaping the country. Nothing was worth this mess.


End file.
